hot summer, ugly winter

The Lawrence Welk Show, SNL-style

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 03:46:24 -0400

Mr. Crazy isn't going to pray for me

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:34:37 -0400

"The problem is the Bush administration doesn’t really believe in the free market. They have..."

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:32:00 -0400

“The problem is the Bush administration doesn’t really believe in the free market. They have invented no risk capitalism. So they spent 7 years just transferring public money into private hands. Their final act is taking private debt and transferring it into public hands.”

- Naomi Klein, author of “The Shock Doctrine” on The Colbert Report, October 2, 2008

"I’m no scientist but I know what endorphins are… they’re tiny little magical elves..."

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:09:41 -0400

““I’m no scientist but I know what endorphins are… they’re tiny little magical elves and they swim through your blood stream and then they tell funny jokes to each other, and when they reach your brain, you can hear what they’re saying and it boosts your health and happiness. Knock knock. Who’s there!? Little endorphins. Little endorphin who? Little endorphin Annie! …It’s science!””

- Ellen, October 1, 2008

"Side effects may include Chinese fire bones, brain whistle and eye-splosions."

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 02:21:00 -0400

“Side effects may include Chinese fire bones, brain whistle and eye-splosions.”

- Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, September 29, 2008

"Why can’t tomorrow be like yesterday?"

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 14:10:00 -0400

“Why can’t tomorrow be like yesterday?”

- Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, September 24, 2008

"Here’s a smoking schedule for you. Fuck off!"

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 12:57:00 -0400

“Here’s a smoking schedule for you. Fuck off!”

- Tabitha, Tabitha’s Salon Takeover

"This is not about people’s personal feelings, this is about which [candidate] is on your side...."

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 02:15:26 -0400

“This is not about people’s personal feelings, this is about which [candidate] is on your side. Who is in there for you and your family and your children and your future? Who is going to restore the American dream at home? Who is going to restore our country’s position for peace and prosperity and harmony throughout the world. If you look at that, we, she and I, have concluded that even though we actually have had a long and good relationship with Senator McCain, we admire him—There’s no question that if you vote for Senator Obama and Senator Biden, you’ll get better economic results, broader shared prosperity, fewer of these headache problems and better position in the world. That’s what we believe. And I think that’s the ground on which you want to fight the election. Look, the purpose of this election is not for people to pass emotional hurdle tests… This is about winning an election that can change the future of the country by giving it back to the American people.”

- Bill Clinton onThe Daily Show, September 23, 2008

"I know there’s a rule in the motherhood handbook that specifically states that you’re..."

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:44:11 -0400

“I know there’s a rule in the motherhood handbook that specifically states that you’re supposed to love doing crafts with your children, it’s on the same page as the paragraph that talks about how important it is to have a smile on your face when you give your husband a blow job after he gets home from a long day at the office, but I marked out that rule with a permanent black Sharpie. And then drew a sad face and glued on two googly eyes.”

- Heather Armstrong, September 15, 2008: “On being a better homemaker” www.dooce.com

Some of what a Russian newspaper editorial had to say about...

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 16:27:00 -0400

Some of what a Russian newspaper editorial had to say about Sarah Palin.

McCain: 0%

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 01:29:05 -0400

McCain: 0%

Makin' Babies for VW

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:15:23 -0400

Makin' Babies for VW

Thomas Friedman: Energy & Global Warming

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:13:26 -0400

Thomas Friedman: Energy & Global Warming

Distortion.

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:03:50 -0400

Distortion.

Tax Plans: McCain v. Obama

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 07:14:28 -0400

Tax Plans: McCain v. Obama

before it's gone

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:58:44 -0400

Scotty (2:52:40 PM): i say make use of the sun before it's gone
jan (2:53:42 PM): eh... I'm in a hole
jan (2:53:49 PM): it takes a lot for me to climb out
Scotty (2:53:51 PM): in a hole?!
jan (2:54:00 PM): I need lights at the ends of my tunnels
Scotty (2:54:09 PM): yea i hear that
Scotty (2:54:30 PM): i need food at the end of my tunnel

"What is the nature of Love? Love is a command to rise to one’s highest potential, the best and..."

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 03:00:19 -0400

“What is the nature of Love? Love is a command to rise to one’s highest potential, the best and noblest vision of oneself. Love is a reward, the greatest we can earn, granted to us for the moral qualities we have achieved in our life.”

- Ayn Rand, Helen Mirren portraying Ayn Rand in “The Passion of Ayn Rand.”

"What do Atheists yell during sex? Oh nothingness! Oh Charles Darwin that feels good! Oh SCIENCE! Do..."

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 13:14:39 -0400

“What do Atheists yell during sex? Oh nothingness! Oh Charles Darwin that feels good! Oh SCIENCE! Do that again!”

- Stephen Colbert

"I do not believe in rules or regulations. For example, the microwave manual explicitly told me not..."

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 00:06:00 -0400

““I do not believe in rules or regulations. For example, the microwave manual explicitly told me not to put styrofoam in it, or in the case that I do put styrofoam in it, not to stand next to it inhaling the fumes. *Inhales* Oooooh! That’s the best smell me ever feeltastedkneesocksbananapants.””

- Stephen Colbert, August 27 2008

The Next President Will be a Southpaw

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:51:05 -0400

The Next President Will be a Southpaw