January 2009
12 posts
Jokes
d: You are on the bus when you suddenly realize … you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your iPod.
jan: ha! good iPod joke!
jan: I've got another good joke
d: So do I.
jan: the Republican Party hires a black guy to be the leader of their party...
d: haha!!
jan: oh wait, that's not a joke
jan: they did
jan: today.
“The problem with shooting for the stars is that as a result you tend to miss all...”
– Eric Karjaluoto, “The future of the web is small” on ideasonideas.com
“Now I don’t buy it. I say this is a snack food conspiracy! Just like the...”
– Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, January 28, 2009
“This bill has been a disaster from the beginning, folks! Originally, the...”
– Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, January 28, 2009
“Now personally, I cannot stand people who disagree with me about this...”
– Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, January 26, 2009
“And! Consider this. If the Bush Administration was so bad for science, how come...”
– Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, January 26, 2009
“I got a mountain in my pants and that is NOT a metaphor.”
– Stephen Colbert to Elizabeth Alexander, The Colbert Report, 1.21.09
France decides to use non-sexy images on... →
(they used one of my flickr images in the article)
Death and Puppies: Kath & Kim Ep. 10, "Florida"
Kath: Aw, would you look at this, it's half past noon on a Tuesday, Kim. I've already made a fruit salsa from scratch and gone to the funeral home to do Pearl's hair. By the way, that dead hair is very tricky... it's real flyaway. Alright I want you to get showered, get up, let's get the day goin'!
Kim: No I can't move, I'm too traumatized over my near death experience with Pearl yesterday.
Kath: Kim you didn't have a near death experience. You were *near* death, it's different.
Kim: Mom, I stared death in the back of the head! One minute, Pearl was there, and the next minute, she was there, but... dead.
Kath: Are you having feelings, Kimmy?
Kim: I think I am.
Kath: Hm. That's really interesting. I didn't think you'd give a rat's tiny A about anyone but yourself.
Kim: I thought so too. But we were wrong.
Craig: Hey dudes! So Kim, I got you something to take your mind off that dead lady. Booooom!
Kim: Ooo, shower CD player!
Kath: Very high-end.
Kim: Very Scarface.
Craig: Yep, my financial situation is looking pretty solid 'cause I got a bunch of advanced deposit money for Ginger's puppies.
Kim: What's she gonna get?
Craig: Well the vet said she's jammed full of puppies... there's like 10 of 'em in there. So the going rate for rots is like a thousand dollars a dog, so do the math! ....It's it's 10,000 dollars. I'm gonna go instaaaall this.
Kath: Kim, you have *got* to tell Craig that Ginger was involved in a gang banging!
Kim: I can't do that right now, I am too upset over Pearl.
Kath: Alright but you're going to give that CD player back then.
Kim: Nooo, I'm already used to it!
Kath: Kim you're giving it back.
Craig: Heheh! Awww, it's awesome.
Kim: I don't want the CD player you'll have to return it.
Craig: What? Is it 'cause I made you do math?
Kim: I changed my mind, I'm allowed! It's a woman's pedromative.
Craig: You know what, you're right. I come in with this lame-o shower CD player, thinkin' that listening to tunes all wet is going to make you forget about death. Of course it's not. My dad was right man, I don't think, I don't think about things. Oh, I'm such an idiot! My dad was right, man!
facebook weaponry
jan: guns?
jan: on facebook?
jan: classy.
J: what am i supposed to put on facebook?
jan: pictures of yourself
jan: why guns?
jan: what's with people and guns
jan: are they like your babies?
J: i dont keep any pictures of myself
jan: your deadly babies
J: and my guns are easily my most expensive hobby, if not also the most time consuming
jan: that's unfortunate
J: i think you're confusing guns for pet vipers
J: 'cuz pet vipers are deadly babies
jan: I think you're confusing guns with something you should collect.
heart
jesus: buffalo is the city of people with one big heart
jan: sometimes I suffer from TV envy
jesus: just one
jesus: in need of a bypass